“What are you doing here?” The last place he ever expected to see Leah was here. At least, voluntarily. Emily wasn’t here, so she clearly wasn’t here to see her cousin, and it wasn’t as though Leah had been alone with him since everything had happened. Not even when they were in the same pack. He had always patrolled with someone else, never with her. That had been on purpose, so that he wouldn’t hurt her further. Despite the drama of it all, it had been a huge weight lifted when she’d left his pack for Jacob’s. Of course, that didn’t factor in this encounter in anyway. “Did something happen?”
Leah would have lied if she said that she enjoyed the long, languid trudge from where she left. Seth was out with friends, her mother was spending dinner with Charlie, and her? She was spending the night alone, lost in her own thoughts. Her feet carried her far, they always could. Whether in a crisis or in a trance such as now. Hoping to walk the reservation, an all too familiar voice snapped her into attention. An old habit, one would suppose. Her feet brought her to him. Her old home.
“…No, nothing. Everyone’s fine. Fine.”
“I was walking the reservation. I didn’t realize I went this far.”
Though he knew it was unlikely to help, he smiled the moment the door opened, despite himself. She was clearly not taking this well, and considering he was the one that was injured, he wasn’t sure how to help. He knew that she was feeling guilty - excessively so - about something he also knew she had no control over. Dwelling on it wouldn’t help. He wasn’t sure anything would at this point.
“Hey Lee Lee. Did you forget I was coming over today?”
The question is simple, aided with a smile and a slightly step forward. It isn’t that it’s awkward between them; her feelings of guilt have put a wall between them that he isn’t sure how to tear down. There’s only a few options, and one he isn’t able to finish as a thought. He’d hate to leave her - but if it was all that helped her —-
He can’t be selfish. She’s in pain, far more pain than he is. It’s unbearable to witness, and yet, he knows that she must be suffering when he’s not around. He has to be there to help her —- though he’s just as certain his presence hinders her.
“Want to go for a walk with me?”
The question is simple, and he holds a hand out towards her. She might refuse, but he knows that he’ll spend the day with her regardless, even if that means silently sitting on the couch, watching mindless TV and avoiding saying anything. He’s tired of saying nothing. If he were capable of it, he might be furious with her for this. Her guilt wasn’t doing anything but tearing them apart, both inside and from one another. But he can’t hate her for it —- he could never hate her for anything.
He just hates himself that he can’t help her.
There is an awkward silence between them, one he knows he has to break. He has to get what’s going through his head out in the open. He was the one that was injured, and he had lost a lot of blood to bring her back to herself before he even thought of getting help. It had hurt, letting himself transform with such large, open wounds, but there had been nothing in his mind except get to Leah.
Those were the same thoughts he had now.
While she hadn’t run away physically, something he was immensely grateful for, although he knew he could find her - the mental link between them easily giving her away - she had certainly run away mentally. There’s nothing he can do now except try and get through to her. He had succeeded then - he was confident in his ability to do so now.
Reaching forward and taking her hand, he shrugged his shoulders. “You actually don’t get a choice. The fresh air would do us both some good.”
And the walk would get them far enough away that, if she got angry with him, there was space to phase, and space to run. That might be what she needed. Accepting what she’d done, and realizing it was an accident would help, but accepting herself, and this new body that would become necessary before she knew it, would likely always help. When he’d first phased, acceptance had helped him. His own acceptance.
Leah wasn’t there yet.
It pained her to be distant, especially to him. It was much easier to ignore the talks and lectures that were given to her by her family. Even Seth, however she held a special place in her heart for him; despite how much he annoyed her. Her father was really the only one who understood her, but all the checkups he had been giving her were enough to drive her crazy. Harry never hovered, but due to the recent events that had scarred not only Sam, but Leah as well.
Sam seemed to recover easily, mentally, not physically. The scars still looked painful, and yet there was a part of her that wished to kiss them and pray that time could reverse so she wouldn’t do such a stupid thing.
No, not stupid, monstrous.
The touch of his hand forces her to crack a smile. A facial expression which hasn’t graced the features of her face in quite awhile. It was almost as if the entire world had been shuttered out and it was only the two of them. Long copper members reach around his palm as she holds him tight, not too tight, but tight enough to show her longing. Due to his persistence she pulled away from him for just a slight second and grabbed her sandals, slipping them on and resuming her hold.
“Since when do I not get a choice?”
Her tone was teased, allowing her humor to peak through just a bit. How could she not be herself around him? Especially since she was in love. It was almost as if they were destined. However, she didn’t recall feeling this strongly about Sam before he left. It wasn’t that she wasn’t into him as she was now, she was, but it was a schoolgirl crush. She felt lovely around him, yes, but it wasn’t an in love feeling.
No, now she knew what being in love felt like.
They left the porch without a second thought. There was a slight chill, but not enough to make her shiver. As of late her body temperature had been through the roof. It was uncommon, but her father had assured her that it was her body adjusting to the second form that laid beneath her skin. Which wasn’t alarming at all, every nineteen year old girl goes through it.
Every nineteen year old girl who happens to be a shapeshifter.
That was another thing, Harry had mentioned that in a long line of shifters and all of them were men. All male shifters, and it appeared she was the only female. What a curse she had been blessed with, the she wolf mocked within her head. Speaking of male shifters, she had come to terms that her brother may turn as well. Not soon, but soon. Within a year or two, Harry had presumed.
The longing wrenched hard on her chest, which forced her to let go of his hold and instead hug his upper torso. At last, she found relief. A place she had been searching for since she had grown to hate herself. And finally, she found it. As long as she was with him, she knew he would be her haven.
It wasn’t so bad - accelerated healing. Without it, he was certain to be in pain for far longer than he was. Of course, genetics had stepped in and removed at least a few days of torment off of him. Not to say it didn’t hurt - wolf claws digging into one’s face and chest would certainly cause some pain, but he did his utmost best not to show it. Leah wouldn’t stop apologizing, even a week after the incident, still feeling guilty over something that, truthfully, was out of her control.
Sam knew that feeling. The first time he’d phased, losing complete control over his body. With no one to talk him down, he had run off for two weeks, unable to phase back into himself. Though, now, acceptance and understanding led him to know that the wolf, the large black creature his body would instantly turn to, was just an extension of himself. He could control his shifting now, mostly. Until the scars fully healed, something that was taking far longer than an ordinary cut would, even with his quickened healing ability, he was keeping himself from doing so. Sue had recommended it, and he wasn’t willing to risk opening the wound and hurting himself, and Leah, more.
Leah, who was berating herself for the loss of control, for the shifting she wasn’t even aware was possible. No one was aware that Leah had the genetic trait shared by the rest of them - and Sam was still trying to figure out what everything meant.
Why the world seemed to stop spinning the second he’d looked at her after returning. Why she suddenly, more so than she already was before, became the center of his world.
These were questions that the tribal leaders didn’t have exact answers to or, if they did, they were keeping them close to the chest.
A visit was in order though, to make sure Leah was okay. He saw her everyday since the incident, but she seemed —- out of sorts the last time. Blaming herself for an injury that could have just as easily happened in reverse, though that thought tormented Sam. He still loved her, no matter what had happened to him. He refused to blame her - she was not at fault for something out of her control.
A knock on the door before placing his hands in his pockets, leaning back slightly on his heels as he waited for her to answer. Scars would be ever present now - angry and red against his cheek, neck, and chest as if they’d been drawn there. Normal cuts healed without scar, he’d found, but these - his theory was that because they had come from another wolf, they would scar - weren’t fading. They were settling in, and he refused to let her feel guilty about them a second longer. Another knock, his patience waning thin waiting for her. She had to be home.
She had said she would be home today to see him. He wanted to see her. He almost needed to see her.
Guilt would eat her alive if she wasn’t careful, and he refused to let that happen.
Seth often left her breakfast, lunch and dinner outside of her bedroom. Mostly because of her reluctance of coming out. Even after the numerous talks with her father and mother, Leah didn’t feel any better about the situation. In fact, hearing others talk about it made her feel even worse about what she had done to Sam. What she had done to the one she loved, cared for and kissed. Soft skin laid along his face, chin and chest. Now he was scarred, because of her.
Tears didn’t do her any good, despite how much she cried during the day and night they didn’t cure what she had done to him. They wouldn’t, because if they did he would have already been healed and in full health by now. And he wasn’t, he’d never be; because of her. He was still handsome, in her eyes he would always be handsome, but she had scarred him.
She ruined the body that he had been born with. The same body she remembered kissing and loving. Even the body he had been recently given. Along his black fur she could still see the lines of red, sprawled out even more because of his larger form. As of late, she had been neglecting her newer shape. Mostly because of the result of what had happened when she was in her newer form. Havoc, and to the one she loved the most.
Leah had heard the knocks, but decided to disregard them. The first time around, at least. She had appreciated his visits, truly, she had. But she couldn’t help but have the guilt that was already pumping through her veins affect her even more with his presence reminding her every glance she took to him.
Thankfully none of those who lived with her were home. Leaving her with the decision on whether or not to open the door. Part of her wanted to be with him every second. However being away from him, even if it was with her own will, it ate her up inside. The other part wanted to shield herself from him, away from the damage that she could do to him; again.
Hair was pushed behind her ear as she rose from her bed and walked into the central of the house. The individual that stood behind it had a distinct smell, one that she could remember by a simple sniff.
Sam.
Raggedly her breath exhaled. The she wolf had forgotten how many times she had apologized. As well as how many times Sam had assured her that it wasn’t under her control and was not her fault.
But it was, all of this was her fault.
There was an itch at the back of her, to shed her skin and push her paws into the earth beneath them. She didn’t relieve it, she wouldn’t.
Never again.
She opened the door and just as her eyes had done so many times before, they went to his scars. They were redder this time, more irritated. As if they would never scab and heal.
